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Sparxmith
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Name: Eric
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Kansas City
Birthday: 11/12/1979
Gender: Male
Interests: Philosophy, Theology, Martial Arts, Magic: the Gathering
Expertise: None. "The Way that can be spoken is not the True Way."
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
11/24/2004
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| What an amazing week I've had. Since my last post, I've had one of the best periods of my life.
Where to begin?
Inspired by my writing, I've had a more positive outlook on life.
The verbalization that I'm terrificly content with my life to this
point has made me a better person. I've become more optimistic
than I've ever been. I have more self-confidence, more joie de
vivre, more satisfaction in my daily life. I used to ponder each
decision to death. Now, I face each issue, each problem with the
idea that regardless of what happens, come good or ill, who I am is
unaffected. I'm no longer afraid of the future, for my past seems
to indicate that my future is bright. This is something I've been
working towards for years. I'm nearly the self-actualized person
that I've always wanted to be. Wow!
Last Tuesday, I wrote two letters. One to Steve Ruley, my former
full-time sup. at work, and one to Julie Iverson, my current full-time
sup. In these letters, I took the oppurtunity to thank them for
all the help they've been through the back injury that I'm finally
recovered from. I told them about the gratitude I felt, and
complimented them on their strengths of leadership. It was a
genuinely heart-felt letter in each case, and I was able to convey that
well. They were both stunned. Neither had ever received
such letters, and both thanked me. I objected, saying that I was
thanking them, but in the end, we thanked each other. This was
very positive and moving for each of us. I felt that I had
reached them, shown them how I felt, and they felt appreciated,
complimented, and, at least for one person, genuinely important.
That same day, I found out that I was being promoted. I will be a
driver in less than two weeks. This promotion comes with a 400%
increase in actual pay, when you factor in payrate and number of hours
worked. 400%!!! (Although, that just goes to show how
little I've been making.  ). This
promotion was expected to take place in about 6 months. I'm so
excited that it's happening early. The expected time of promotion
is based upon seniority, and at my date of hire was 1 year. I
made it in 6 months. Unbelievable, is the word that I've heard
from everyone to describe my promotion. I guess hard work does
pay off.
Speaking of hard work, I had received an implied compliment from my
part-time sup. Marcus. Apparently, whenever the area I work in
bottle-necks and the Center manager is screaming on the radio that
DataAq (the area I work in) is causing problems for the whole center,
Marcus says, "Don't worry about it.... I've got Falgout working on
it. He'll take care of it." Amazing! In two ways,
actually. First, that he has that much confidence in me.
Secondly, this is put out on the radio, which means that every
supervisor in the entire building hears my name as the solution to a
problem. You can't be more complimented than that. To top
it all off, Marcus never mentioned this to me. When I went to
Steve to give him his letter, he's the one who told me what Marcus was
saying. This whole issue has inspired me to try to work even
harder. I push myself to the fullest at every available
oppurtunity. I've always loved working at UPS, and now I enjoy it
even more.
Lastly, the other thing to make my week is money. I went to my
bank to check my balance. I had twice as much money as I had
expected. Now, my first reaction was one of disbelief.
Something hadn't cleared yet, some check that I had written for a bill
simply hadn't been turned in. Well, it turns out that everything
had cleared. I simply forgot to add my direct deposits from work
to my balance. So the overage was genuine. How fantastic is
that?
So to all my near and dear, I'm having a great life. I hope that
all of you can experience the joy that I've been experiencing lately.
Sincerely,
Ejf
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| What is a life well lived? If there were no
heaven, no hell, no reincarnation, and death were not the next big
journey, what would make life livable?
A friend asked me this question recently. My reply is
forthcoming, but first a caveat. In that moment, I realized that
if the above were true I would have no complaints. My response
was totally off the cuff and actually more well said than what is
written below. My friend asked me who wrote what I said as though
I had memorized a passage, but I hadn't. I don't know if he
believed that I had answered spontaneously, but I had. Here's
what I remember from my soliloquy:
If there is no Heaven,
no God who rewards us, if my life must be worthwhile to me because of
how I lived it, then I'm proud to say that I'm fine. If I died
tomorrow, I would be unconcerned. I have lived a good life.
I have known the finest of epicurean delights,
And the deepest of religious ecstasies.
I have known the love of friends as deep as the Ocean,
And hated enemies strong enough to keep me warm on the coldest of nights.
I have known the love of one of the greatest women ever,
For six wonderful years,
And I've known the depths of loneliness
To the point of breaking my heart.
I have worked as hard as humanly possible
And played even harder.
I have tried and succeeded,
And I've tried and failed.
I remained chaste when everyone around me was not,
And since then I've known more carnality than my years should allow.
I have experienced all that I've ever wanted,
Save for being married.
I knew the pain of hell when I was burned on 60% of my body,
And I knew the pleasure of Heaven each time I fell in love.
So if I died tomorrow, I'd be fine. I regret nothing,
And look forward to everything that tomorrow may bring.
So that's my thought for the day. A well lived
life is one of triumph as well as tragedy. We live in a society
which abhorrs death. Many of the things we do, we do as an
aversion to facing the reality of finitude of life. Most of us
hate old age. Hell, most of us hate middle age. We cannot be
whole if we detest the majority of our lives.
I wish I could live forever, not because I hate or fear death but
because there is so much I wish to know that I'll never even come close
to learning. There are so many people I wish to befriend, but I
do not have enough time to know them.
An optimist is one who believes we live in the best possible world, and
a pessimist is one who knows the optimist is right. I've always
identified with the optimist in this statement. When I was in
high school, Lonnie Bruce, my quiz bowl coach, prompted a thought in me
that I've lived by ever since. He said, "It doesn't matter how
cynical you think you are now, you're nothing compared to how cynical
you'll be when you're older." My immediate reply was true then
and even more true now, "I'm not cynical. I don't understand
cynicism. I'm an optimist by nature." Before that moment, I
hadn't realized that I wasn't as cynical and jaded as my peers.
But when he said that, a whole lot of the world suddenly made much more
sense.
Since then I've been on a journey of discovery, both internal and
external. That journey is my life. And to all of you who
read this and know me, know that I'm blessed by your presence in my
life. You make my life so much more special for being in
it. I love you all.
-=Sparxmith=-
EJF
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| Recently I've been struggling with an issue. I'd post more about
it, but I'm sure that Casie's stalker would use it as bait, and I'd
rather not fuel his fire. So, I'll discuss it in general and
allow you all to comment as you see fit.
My roommate and I have been discusing out faults and the ways in which
we could improve our lives. Josh is pretty aware of most of my
faults. (I mean, hell, he lives with me. Stephen and Casie
can testify to how hard that can be.) But lately, I've felt the
urge to discuss my most intimate secrets. Those of you who know
it, you should know what I'm talking about. Why is it that I wish
to discuss it with Josh? I trust him. It's pertinent to the
discussions we have. And finally, I can never judge the depth of
our friendship if he doesn't know me and like me for who I really
am. I feel like Clark on Smallville. Who can I trust?
How important is it for the people I care about to know my most
intimate details?
Why don't I wish to discuss it with Josh? Once the cat is out of
the bag, its impossible to put back. I'm obviously afraid of his
rejection. I've already had this secret bite me in the ass before
and I'd like to avoid that if possible.
It's a really tough and convoluted question.
I hope you all are having a good day.
To all my friends, I love you. To my enemies, beware.
Sincerely,
Eric
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